“Tell Me What You Feel in Your Room When the Full Moon Is Shining in Upon You and Your Lamp is Dying Out, and I Will Tell You How Old You Are, and I Shall Know If You Are Happy.” - Frederic Amiel

Lunar eclipse at moonset,

Super Moon, hyper-clarity

in that way that seems fake

it is so real. Absolute white light,

startling. Absolute quiet.

Absolute waiting. A settling sort of feeling,

sand running through water, 

at the bottom at rest 

as the water returns to its purity.

That sort of feeling, late forties,

been through so much and knowing

well just how much still to go through,

knowing well this second of unusual beauty

is precarious, is upon a pin,

the sort of place where angels dance. 

“Patience” Means “Suffering”

Impatient with small talk

impatient with most talk  

talking will not help it,

waiting for it to get better

it is not, 

what to do then

how to muddle 

how to abide

the situation out here 

is not going to change

where and how 

do I find the space

in here 

to live anyway 

to find the patience 

that is not waiting.

Learning the Horrible Lessons

Sometimes you are in Hell,

can be calm, crack a window,

let in some fresher Hell air;

sometimes you are just in Hell and it is unbearable.

In mortal fear, there is no such thing as crazy.

In the most primal states

you are reminded that you are a body,

as the hot hook twists your intestines, 

drawn, quartered, 

prickles of adrenaline,

a sheen over skin,

each heartbeat a death 

then yank back to life, 

a blitzkrieg of neurons hammering,

Run! Stop! Stay!

Stay. That is another one.

Maybe the hardest, to not physically leave

and to not mentally leapfrog

into past     into future 

to tolerate now.

Maria Berardi's poems have appeared online, in print, in university literary journals, meditation magazines, newspapers, and art galleries. Her first book, Cassandra Gifts, was published in 2013 by Turkey Buzzard Press, and she is working on her second, Pagan. She lives in Fort Collins, Colorado, at the foot of the Rocky Mountains. Her process is one of listening for transmissions and trying to catch them on paper before they dissipate: the glimpse, the complicated knowledge.

“Learning the Horrible Lessons” first appeared in SIAMB! Issue #9